Body Amnesia

Feeling healthy is so easy to take for granted. When you're healthy there's almost a feeling of being oblivious to the existence of your body. Not until there's an injury or illness to bring attention to a specific part of the body do we really pay much attention, at least I don't anyway. I remember when I was pregnant with M. and for about a month I was very aware of my belly button and the fact that it got in the way all the time. It's just not normal to be aware of your belly button and it's surprising to realize how often it gets bumped into things, of course the expansive belly behind it certainly added to that frequency, but it seems like it happens all the time when you're aware of it. When I'm feeling healthy I don't remember what's it's really like to feel sick or injured and vice versa. I think that's where kids and animals have it easier. I think in their perception of time they can't really remember that they felt better the day before so if they're sick or injured they adapt so quickly it's amazing. Living totally in the present gives them the ability to ignore everything that we might dwell on because we do remember that we felt better the day before.

Having sprained my foot a week and a half ago and now having a cold, I can't really remember how it was to feel completely healthy. I've been aware of my foot and of the discomfort it causes when under pressure. Today I'm aware of my head and the fact that every footfall feels like a large percussion instrument in the large empty expanse of my sinuses. It creates an echo in my head and the feeling is something like walking around under water with all the muffled reverberating going on in there. That feeling greeting me this morning led me to decide that this was not a good morning for step aerobics, it was the perfect morning for getting a little extra sleep. The nicest thing about the morning was waking up and getting a big hug from C. who seemed happy to see me. It's always hard to leave for work if the kids have gotten up before I'm out the door. I'd rather stay home and play but the bills have to be paid somehow. I smiled and waved as C. cried at the front door and M. waved good-bye. Two minutes later they were both playing happily, my day went downhill from there. Until I got home.