Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Holdout

A completely non-training related post, but I feel like that's my life lately. I've got so much on my mind. I keep trying to remind myself that I have got a great life and these things on my mind are really all good. One thing I thought I was set with was the fact that we'll have three kids and that's it. They're wonderful, I'm truly blessed, I keep telling myself that should be good enough. Then a good friend of mine said she's pregnant with her fourth. Before the words "I'm so happy for you" had even finished leaving my mouth, "I'm so jealous!" was screaming through my head. I keep thinking I'm convinced that I'm okay with our family decision and then my heart decides it doesn't agree. What can you do when your heart holds out against all the practical, rational reasoning your mind can muster? I'm trying to convince myself to go the just "suck it up" route- I hope my heart comes around soon. Of course probably not as much as my husband hopes that, I can be miserable when I'm obsessing.

There's still the whole school-change-of-career thing in my life, too. I should have more answers this week after attending an open house about the nursing program.

I feel like I spend most of my time making excuses for why I'm not getting in the exercise and training that I should be. I'm not working towards the weight loss like I wanted to, and I'm just sort of floundering a bit. I may just take a break for a while until I've got my head, and maybe my life, a little more in order. Thanks to those that often leave me comments of support, I'll still be checking in. And who knows, maybe three days from now I'll be back to rant, rave or even post that I did something productive.


Anonymous said...

Funny that you have your open house nursing thing this week, as I have an appointment with the head of the sports department this week too. That will pretty much make my mind up about whether I can go back to school or not - until then I feel like I'm floundering around too.

It feels like my life is on hold until this decision is made and it really is hard. The food starts to become troublesome and the training is a drag - hopefully once one issue is resolved, the others will be too - good luck with your open house!!!!!

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

Hang in there. Things will come together for you. I'm sure of that.


Anonymous said...

Appreciate what you have are very HAVE children...we can't have any