Saturday, August 25, 2007

Coming down

I'm sure this feeling will be familiar to anyone reading this, similar to a race let-down period, I'm hitting a wall. The past month has been completely nuts with Baby Girl's arrival and all the house stuff. I think that I'm a pretty good person to have around in busy and stressful times. I do well with a bit of chaos and can keep my head and organization to the extent that people have often commented they have no idea how I'm doing it- it being whatever needs to be done. Well, she's here, the house inspection is done, and I've got, say, maybe a tad more hormones running around my body than usual, so I can feel a crash coming on. I haven't hit the random crying-for-no-reason post-partum point yet. For me that's been about 5 days after, so by the beginning of next week that's where I'll probably be at. I'm trying to just enjoy the absolute blessings I've got in my life but there's something about my personality that leads me to dwell on small trivialities to keep my brain occupied when there isn't enough external stress. So, I'll cry "because" this is our last baby, because we're leaving this house, even though I can't wait- because this is where Superman was born, because I don't really like pink and we've already gotten about a dozen pink outfits for her. I'll cry because I'm not quite sure what to do with a girl, and I don't think girl toys are nearly as cool as boy toys, but also because I'm a little scared about the whole mom-daughter relationship thing and how I know that there will likely be times when I'll push her away by trying to do what I think is the best thing for her. Or, I'll just cry, no reason.

I think I'll be taking a blogging break for a little while to get myself together again. Right now I don't have a lot of interest in, well, anything. I'll get through it, I've been here before, it's just not the fun part and I'm not sure I'll be up to sharing. Thanks again for all the well-wishes, I'm sure I'll be back soon and I'll be keeping tabs on everyone else until then.


IronJenny said...

Take the break from us, by all means! You have a ton of really important things on your plate. We'll miss you, but will remember that you're getting settled into your new life in so many ways.
I know how you feel about your daughter - I felt that way, too. I wasn't sure what to expect, how different she would be than Bobby, all that same stuff. Just when I was getting pretty proficient in boy-rearing. God must have known I needed specifically her because we have grown into a really special bond. It became clear after a few weeks.
Having Ally in my life sort of created one extra character in what I thought was a pretty complicated book already. Now I can't imagine NOT having her exactly the way she is, in our lives. I'm not all that "girly" either, and she REALLY is, and it is so much fun to watch her be who she is and just love herself for it. It's hilarious.
You'll be a fine mom to a girl. You already know how to handle chaos and change and "new" stuff.
Good luck in these busy early weeks, and email if you want to, from time to time. Congrats to all of you!

Julia said...

Take the break :-)

I KNOW how you feel with those hormones. Try and get as much rest as you can, ask for help, accept help. Don't feel stupid about crying, it does enable you to get over the worst part.

As far as the mother daughter thing, it's not easy. My daughter (now 14) has been my very biggest challenge in life. At the same time she has also been my biggest teacher, about who I am - not only watching her evolve but myself also.

If you don't like the pink sell the stuff on ebay and go out and buy whatever color stimulates you. That was the ONE thing I loved about a baby girl: dressing her. I used to put her in so many ridiculous outfits, hats and all!

Toys: see what she gravitates towards. It may not be dolls...or maybe it will. Both my kids love paints and drawing.

Last but not least, exercise DID help me. Even if I was going out just once a day for a 30 minute walk, sometimes with the baby sometimes not, it was like the one thing that was always constant for me and sort of kept me grounded.

A big Hug!

Mallie said...

We'll be here waiting, whenever you decide you're ready to come back. Take all the time you need. Baby Girl is lucky to have a mom that worries about these things. And because you worry, I know you'll do everything possible to ensure your bond is incredibly strong.

As for the pink. Well, more than likely Baby Girl will at some point profess pink to be her favorite color. You'll be well prepared!

Fe-lady said...

Have a good cry- we are here if you need us.
And really- daughters are the best! Not to say that we haven't had our ups and downs lately, but there are moments when I am so proud at how she handles a situation or other people (like stupid boyfriends) or stress...well, I could just burst with pride!
My daughter is the exact opposite of what and who I am-and interestingly enough, we still love each other to pieces. Who knows...maybe yours will be JUST like you, and won't that be FUN? :-)

Wylee said...

Fe-lady is right, daughters are the best! You have every right to take a break, you earned it.

Duane said...

Enjoy a rest!

Lisa - Slow & Steady said...

do what you need to do. we'll be here when you get back. *hugs*

Triteacher said...

Hullo! I'm back just in time for your break. Wah. Your little girl is beautiful!!! Congratulations. You will be a superb mom to her. But, by all means, cry away. ((Hugs)) I look forward to your return. :)

m said...

I know those feelings! When I found out my first was a girl (3 weeks before her due date) I was shocked. What was I going to do with a girl? I always pictured myself a mom of a brood of boys. Girls are wonderful (as our boys) I speak from experience .... boy toys rock. I (to this day) would much rather play with cars/trucks and Thomas the Tank Engine than house with Barbie. I think I'd rather go to the dentist than make Barbie talk. And the color pink....her room is the color of pepto bismal. I let her pick it out. She is wonderful and I love her dearly. She is so different from my boys and I love having girl time with her. Actually if I had more girls I would be in debt b/c I love their clothes. My daughter is not too girly, girly but just enough so I can enjoy our little shopping trips.

Hope to see you back real soon!