This afternoon as we pulled into my mom's driveway, M. said "Mom, look at grandma's pretty new flowers." when he noticed her new yellow mums. It struck me that kids are known for being the center of the universe in their own minds, but it doesn't mean they're not observant. We're at my mom's probably once a week, maybe every other week, and he's paid enough attention to know when the landscape has been altered at all. They were very nice flowers, did I notice them? No. Why not? I was too busy thinking about what the boys would eat for lunch, would they be grumpy after sleeping in the car?, how long should we stay before heading back home and a host of other thoughts that kept me from stopping to notice those nice new flowers.
I'm often left wondering when I run across other blogs where the posts have so much insight and introspective thought- how much time do these people put into this? How can they think this much and still get anything done? I'm not trying to say I have less time than anyone else. If there's one thing I learned from my weight loss journey, my triathlon training and other peoples' stories, it's that no one's ever got enough time. I don't know of anyone that just sits around all day with no responsibilities, so everyone makes decisions about their time based on their priorities. What have I chosen to give up while trying to pursue other avenues? Thinking. I think I have become one of the least intellectual people I know. I don't watch the news, I don't read the paper, I know nothing of current events- save my fantasy football players' stats on Sunday and Monday, I have almost no political views, very little in the way of career aspirations and I'm not looking to make new friends because I have enough trouble keeping up with the 2 that I have. I do have a good spirit, I think. I teach Sunday school, of course since I teach the 2-year-olds I basically give them crayons and a picture that says "Jesus loves me" and I call it a day. My triathlon this summer was an event with Team in Training where I raised over $3300 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in exchange for an e-mail coach, one group training, a smelly hotel room, a pasta dinner and admission to the race. It was by far a worthwhile event and I'll do another one because I did it for the joy and not the "free" stuff. I'm involved with community events to promote math and science for local junior high students and some other things that make me feel like a productive member of society. I don't, however, spend much time thinking. The only reason I'm sitting writing this is that I'm supposed to be changing the boys' closet to winter clothes from summer clothes and I'm procrastinating because it's the one chore for the kids that I dislike more than any other. Inevitably I'll pack away something I should have left out. I'll find clothes next summer that would have fit this winter that will be too small by next winter. I already lost a whole set of cloth diapers, so right now we're buying disposable diapers for C. after spending $150 on cloth diapers that were going to be a real cost savings by the time we got to kid #2. Right. Most of the time I feel like I'm running around from 4:30am until 9pm and I've got so much to do I haven't got room for a thought in my head other than what I'm doing at that moment or else I'll completely fall off the deep end. I also spend a little too much time being annoyed that I don't get enough time to myself. But you know what? I'm loving (almost) every minute of it. I've got years ahead of me to think, right now I've got 2 kids that still think mom and dad are the greatest people to spend time with. I've got 2 dogs that are often neglected but still run to greet me at the door every afternoon even if I do walk in and tell them to move so I can get to the boys. I've got a great husband who works hard at home all day to keep the boys happy and I don't tell him nearly often enough how much I love him and appreciate him. By the way, Monday is our 7 year wedding anniversary and it's just flown by so fast, it's been the best years of my life. This is the time in my life to live my life as it is today. I don't have to work towards becoming a different person because I'm okay with who I am for where I am. I don't think that means I have no goals or ambitions, I'm just a small goal, short term amibition person right now. Besides, if I had to think about things it might keep me awake at night and I'm out about 30 seconds after my head hits the pillow these days. Life starts pretty early in the morning.